Sunday, February 08, 2009

Why so angry!?

So, on occasion when I'm supremely bored or trying to avoid life, I like to find a mindless flash game of some sort to waste my time away.  Years ago I found Fetchfido, a great website with hundreds of games to play, sorted by flash and shockwave.  

This website has obliterated hours upon hours of what could have been time spent doing productive things.  Some of the games are 'meh,' but there are so many that are simple yet highly addictive.  

But there's one thing I've learned while searching through these games . . . there are some ANGRY video game developers out there!  Games like Ant City, where you're holding a giant magnifying glass over a city, and you focus it on the people and cars below to destroy them as they are going about thier business.  (Make sure you see what happens when you get the helicopter) 


Or how about Nuclear Eagle, the game where you're a giant eagle, plucking the frightened townspeople up from the ground and tossing them up into your nest to feed your hungry babies? (Needy little freaks, they are.)


 I mean, seriously, who comes up with this stuff?  

Oh, and I want to set something straight, here and now: Midgets are people, too!  Who is the sick bastard that thought it would be fun to create a Midget Tossing game?  And to accompany it with a song that says "Short people have no reason to live?" You're mommy didn't give you much love as a child, did she?  (Contrary to popular belief, midgets fly through the air quite nicely, btw.) 


Occasionally I cheat on Fetchfido with other sites . . . that's how I found Twisted Nipples.  Yes, you read that correctly.  TWISTED NIPPLES!  The goal is to twist the nipples of the fat man's man-boobs as violently as possible before he breaks away.  I'd really like to know what happened to the creator to inspire such a sick and twisted (heh, get it . . . twisted . . . ) game.  Or, maybe I don't.  


My latest discovery?  Chain of Fire.  In this game, you get points for setting a person on fire, setting off a chain reaction for each person he bumps into and gets engulfed in flames.  You have to get a certain amount of points before advancing to the next level.  This game is particularly heinous, considering there are SEVENTY LEVELS!  Seventy levels of burning people alive.  It sort of starts to make you think not only about the angry, pathetic lives led by the people who creat such games, but also about the people who would lower themselves to actually PLAY them.  (Level 31 is particularly difficult.)  


My message to those of you who commit such atrocities . . . seek help.  Now.  

Now if you'll excuse me, I have another 15 levels to complete.  .   

No comments: