Wednesday, December 20, 2006

What I want for Christmas

I swear, santa, I've been really good this year. I only want a few things...I sure hope I get them.

Here's my list:

1) Please bring the old man that sits across the desk for me some q-tips, and take away his paper clips and car keys. I'm afraid I'll do more than dry-heave next time.

2) Please teach the old man that sits across the desk from me how to use the toilette. I'm pretty sure he should have learned that correctly around 77 years ago. And if you can't do that, please give me stock in Clorox, and a couple cases of Ready Wipes.

3) I would love an exhaust fan in the office that actually works, so I can breathe clean air when everyone else in the office is smoking like chimneys. Oh, and please don't give that lung cancer to it for someone who deserves a rapist or a politician or something.

That's all I really need this year Santa. If you happen to have a good looking, sweet, single guy in your magic bag, I'll won't turn it down.

Thank you!


Tuesday, October 24, 2006

There's a hole in my soul...

I'm 24 years old...I go down my checklist of things I wanted to have accomplished by this time in my life... check check


Someone to spend my life with....nope

What have I accomplished?
I do have my own apartment...the building it's in isn't exactly new...and there are various problems with it...but it's big, and reasonably priced. I still haven't gotten out of my tiny hamlet in North Central Illinois...which can be good and bad. Good family is close by if I ever need them. Bad family is close by.

I guess my work with the children at my domestic violence shelter job can be called an accomplishment...probably the one that I'm most proud of. However I feel I need to take it further, and so far I'm at a standstill.

I'm not sure weather to call my 3 year relationship that I ended nearly two months ago an accomplishment or not. I's a failed relationship. I did everything I could to make it work...and still failed. I did, however, manage to keep some of my self confidence and self esteem (keyword: SOME) after about a year of constantly feeling like nothing I did was good enough for him....I guess that's an accomplishment.

Now here I one to give my love to (and I have a lot of love to give)...

I'm feeling lost.
I DO have the greatest friends in the world....that part is great. The only thing right now that I feel I have to look forward to is my trips that I've been going on, and talking to my friends everynight. But the trips and spending actual time with my friends are too few and far between.

With my next trip coming up in 9 days, I do have a lot to be excited about. I'm flying to Baltimore again, and Joe and I are driving to Boston. It'll be wonderful to finally see the best friend whom I spend hours talking to every night online. My first night there, I'll be meeting another online friend for the first time. I've had three other chances to meet him so far this year, and none have worked out. Here's hoping that the FOURTH time's a charm. Once in Boston, I'll see Sky again, too. I'll once again have my chat crew together. :) All will be right with the world during that time. :) Alison will be there as'll be nice to get more of a chance to get to know her better in real life. And again, I'll be meeting another online friend for the first time, Scott. Looking forward to that a lot. :)

We'll arrive at our hotel (WITH A POOL!) outside of Boston on mid to late Friday afternoon...we're staying two nights. I'm pathetically child-like in my excitement about the pool. My last trip two months ago was my first time swimming in somewhere around 10 years...I had soooo much fun that I've been talking about going swimming again ever since...Joe was good enough to make sure a pool was part of the criteria when picking us a hotel. We're gonna have so much fun!!!!

So...during the trip, I have a lot to look forward much to be excited about. But what about the time leading up to it, and the time afterwards??? It's empty.

Maybe I'll get lucky...maybe at some point during my five day trip, It'll all come to me. Maybe during that time, I'll have an epiphany, and realize what I need to fill the void.

I've been happy for quite some time since I finally started to get over the break up....and I still am....I'm happy....just empty.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Maybe I should just hitchhike.

I come from a town so small, there isn't even a stoplight. You can drive all the way through town without having to stop once...unless you get in a lineup behind a slow-moving tractor, that is.

I learned to drive in an old beater car on even older country roads. I'm now 24...and I'm about to drive in Chicago for the FIRST TIME. I've explored every possible option I can think of to get out of it...shuttles are WAY too expensive...parking in a suburb and taking the train (and then getting on the subway) doesn't seem like it'll be much easier to drive, and WAY more hassle. And no one is available to drive me. :S

So I'm sucking it up, and I'm driving. It's not like I'm going deep into Chicago..I get off of I-55 onto S. Central Ave, drive maybe 1/4 of a mile, then turn onto destination is 1/2 way up the road. SO WHY AM I FREAKING OUT SO MUCH!? It's still 16 days away, but just thinking about it and researching it today, my stomach is in knots. I keep envisioning horrible scenarios in my head....a flat car stalls at a stoplight....or somehow, even as EASY as those directions are, I get lost! I'm so afraid I'll do something stupid and miss my plane (the absolute WORST scenario).

Maybe I'll take up yoga over the next two weeks...meditate...anyone have any xanax?

Ok, I'm off to schedule a complete checkup of my car.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

And that's how a bouncing baby blog gets born

Take one 24 year old girl's emotional ramblings, add a big dose of Nyquil and a generous helping of boredom, and what do you get???? A blog I'll probably never update! WOOT!

So uh...I hope I can come up with something to entertain y'all. :P