Sunday, February 01, 2009


Well, I've not really posted on my blog much in almost two months, for a variety of reasons.  The first reason was an incident that happened that made me feel like my blog wasn't much of a safe haven anymore.  I know that everything I write here is public, and I write with that knowledge in mind.  However, there are one or two whom I thought would never find my blog, who did.  

I've found it very hard to open up to certain people, so I've found it very difficult to post here.  

The other reason I've not been around much is due to the emotional roller coaster I've endured since losing Ana.  When I write, often I am pouring out my emotions, whether they be happy, sad, or confuddled.  Putting my emotions into words has always been a good way for me to sort out and better understand what I'm going through.  

However, doing so forces me to face whatever emotions are trying to come out.  The emotions that I have been wrestling with since Ana's death are dark and cold and unlike anything I've ever dealt with.  I've spent most of my time trying to find ways to avoid confronting them.  Therefore, writing has been out of the question.  

But I can only avoid them for so long before it becomes unhealthy.  At some point I have to face what it going on, despite the agonizing emotional pain that comes with it.  

Besides that . . . I've missed my blog.  

So, I'm going to try and post more.  About school.  About my friends.  About politics.  About my hopes and dreams.  And about Ana.  

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