Thursday, February 18, 2010

My February Phone Curse

Last February I posted about dropping my iPhone and smashing the screen.  

Today, history repeated itself, only thankfully on a much cheaper phone.  

It fell under my recliner, and when I rocked forward to get up, I crushed it. The display lights up, but the phone doesn't work, unlike the iPhone, that works perfectly fine to this day. (As evidenced by the fact that these grainy pictures were TAKEN with the iPhone).

So, tomorrow I get to buy another cheapo phone to replace it, as I can't go without SOMETHING. Not exactly something I can afford right now. (If it was, I'd still have the iPhone hooked up!)

Before the cracked screen of my iPhone, I'd NEVER damaged any of the phones I've ever had. Though I guess it goes along with my ever-growing bad luck aura.


Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Golden Memories

Four years ago at this time I was a few months into what would turn out to be the last year of my relationship with my ex-boyfriend.  We'd already reached a point in which we needed to go our separate ways, but I wasn't ready to admit it yet.  

I couldn't convince myself that he would never love me the way I wanted to be loved.  We were growing more and more emotionally distant and becoming angry more often and for longer times. 

Meanwhile, a month and a half earlier, right around New Years, I'd begun talking to some new people in the chatroom of the photography website of which we were all members.  

There were three of us, total, who'd become instant friends despite physical distance.  Me (obviously), Joe, and Sky.  You've seen me write about them here often.  Almost immediately we became inseparable . . . well, as inseparable as you can get when you mode of socialization is a forum and a chatroom.  We'd talk everyday, for hours.  About photography.  About cars.  About food.  About life.  About my withering relationship.  I didn't know until then how close of a relationship you could form with someone over the internet.  

Little did I know, but the bond I was forming with Joe and Sky was allowing me to slowly let go of the toxic relationship that was dragging me down and holding me back from truly being happy, though it would take the better part of a year before I finally broke away.  

Some of my earliest and best memories of my friendship with Joe and Sky was during the 2006 Winter Olympics.  The three of us would watch the events together, each of us in our own corner of the country, connected via our computers.  I remember staying up until 4 in the morning talking a few times, even, and this was smack dab in the middle of the long stretch in which I had no insomnia problems.  

When the 2010 Olympics started this past Friday, the memories of the early days of our friendship came flooding back, particularly my memories of the person whom I consider to be my best friend, Joe.  Because of this, I've found that I'm more into the Olympics than I ever have been before.  I suddenly started to remember names of athletes I hadn't thought of for four years.  Bode Miller.  Shaun White.  And my favorite, Apolo Ohno.  

On Saturday, I even got the chance to relive the memory.  For the entire day -- I in smalltown Illinois, and Joe in Baltimore -- watched skiing, speed skating, and biathlon.  I screamed over MSN when Apolo Ohno overtook an entire group of skaters with one swift move . . . of course, thanks to his satellite feed, I had to wait seven seconds before I 'screamed' at Joe, so I wouldn't give anything away.  

We haven't been able to talk much lately, so it was wonderful to be able to spend so much quality time conversing with him.  I've been happy and introspective ever since.  Remembering more about that time of my life everyday.  Analyzing the events that occurred then and since and how they have shaped my life.  

The Winter Olympics have turned into something a little more special to me . . . a symbol of the friendship that saved my life.  

Monday, February 15, 2010

The Splintered Mind

During my entire 27 years, I have been a bit of a misfit.  

In grade school I had little self confidence and spent much of my time daydreaming and doodling in the margins of my worksheets.  I was always in trouble for my desk being a total mess, my homework being late, or not paying attention.  

This continued throughout my primary school career.  

In middle school or early high school, I began having issues with insomnia, though it only reared it's ugly head during the summers, when I didn't have a structured day.  

Now, I'm an adult.  I've been living on my own for 8 years.  I have a bit more confidence these days, but I still find myself daydreaming . . . I even still find myself doodling here and there.  I've gone through a few bouts of insomnia as an adult, as well, though until a year ago, I thought I had kicked that issue.    

I start many projects, but rarely finish them.  Often I get so overwhelmed that I don't work on them at all.  

During the last 2 1/2 years of school, I struggled tremendously.  During the rare times that I could focus, I could churn out incredible work, but most of the time, it took considerable effort to get things done.  It's not that I wasn't interested in it, I just couldn't focus.  I can't seem to sit down and do just one thing.  I have to be doing several at once.  When I watch movies or television, I'm also browsing the internet (or writing a blog post . . . ), or drawing, or painting.

I've never been diagnosed with ADD, but I feel it's only because neither my mother nor I have ever posed the question to a doctor.  

Compound that with Depression, and the days become incredibly difficult to get through.  

I've struggled with varying levels of Depression since I was quite young, as well, and after the numerous tragedies and stressful events over the last few years, it's been worse than ever.  

A bit over a year ago, as I've written about here, a family member whom I was very close to died, and I reached my breaking point.  I spent three weeks where I slept more than I was awake . . . and then swung the other way.  I've had maddening insomnia ever since.  It's seemed like there was no one that could truly understand how I felt.  

Then a friend sent me the link to a blog written by someone with ADD, Depression, and Insomnia.  

The Splintered Mind, written by Douglas Cootey, describes the trials and tribulations of the day to day life of someone dealing with many of the same things I struggle with.  

I've so far only gotten through a few pages of his blog, but it's so much like looking in a mirror, it's scary.  It is my hope that reading through his blog might give me a better insight into my own problems and how I can manage them better.   

If anyone has any of the issues I've described above, I highly recommend checking out his blog! 

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Oh, Photography! How I've missed you!

The photography bug bit me.  At 2 A.M.  When it was 8 degrees out.