Sunday, August 10, 2008

When life gives you lemons . . .

 . . . you open a lemonade stand, right?  

I think that old saying is a good description of my life . . . or at least it's a good description of what I'm trying to do with my life.  

My childhood wasn't exactly what you would call . . . pleasant.  I'll be the first to admit that it could have been much worse, but it could have been a hell of a lot better, too.  Because of my upbringing, I have suffered for years with low self confidence, poor body image, lack of some basic life skills, and more.  I either missed out on many of the things that a parent is supposed to teach thier child, or was taught the wrong way.  

I was lucky enough to have some good influences along the way, and that was enough to keep me from totally going down the wrong path, as many in my situation do.  In the last couple of years I have finally learned to start taking control of my life, and I'm slowly dropping all of the weights that have been tied to me and keeping me down for 26 years.  I'm taking those life experiences . . . those painful memories . . . those lost years . . . and I'm using them to my benefit.  I'm using them to launch a career.  I'm using them to motivate me . . . they remind me that if I don't do something about it, I'm destined to be stuck in that same rut that my parents dug for me for the rest of my life.  

I guess sometimes I need reminders . . . 'booster shots,' if you will.  Tonight was one such night.  I spent a couple of hours at my parent's house for a cookout, and was quickly reminded of everything I never want to be.  

I came home, a little sad, and a whole lotta angry . . . but quickly got over it.  I sat at my computer desk where my new text books for the fall semester are sitting, and I was reminded of the great decision I had made to go back to school, and how my hard work would pay off.  

Still angry, I emailed my best friend, Joe, to vent a little, and I was reminded that I have amazing people in my life, including a best friend who believes in me, and will always be there to hold me up, if I ever need it again.  

In the email, I made a comment about not being able to wait until I can move to Chicago . . . and I was reminded that I am creating a future for myself that includes achieving fantastic dreams . . . like moving to Chicago for school.  

I am not destined to a life of alcohol, pain, and dead-ends.  I will not allow anyone to attach weights to me, and ruin my determination to soar above it all.  

I may have had a crappy childhood, and I may have less than stellar parents . . . but my life isnt' so bad.  In fact, I'm pretty damn blessed.  


Tabby said...

Hang in there, Core. Just remember, genetics aren't everything. You've got a load of people who love you just like family. :)

Alison said...

There is something beautifully renewing about new textbooks. Life is a funny thing and I'm so glad you're opening a lemonade stand with your past experiences because I see a whole lot of sugar ahead in your future :)