Reflections

A few weeks ago, I had the good fortune of being able to spend time with some people with whom I am very close to, but hadn't seen in three years.

These little folks, who aren't so little anymore, are my babies.



*sigh* That picture was taken at the hospital, when we were all there visiting Nicole, two days before New Years.

It seems like only yesterday they were so little and innocent....


(that's Nicole in the middle.)

Ok...that's enough of memory lane (Ironically enough, I have always thought of that second photo of signifying 'memory lane')

I just felt like sharing my babies (ok, so, other than Nicole there is no family relation...but they are still my babies) with the world. :)

P.S.

Someone please make me stop suffocating myself.

On top of everything I mentioned before that I have going on... LOTS of classes, Honors Program (Oh yeah, I forgot to post, I WAS ACCEPTED!), Psych club (I hope), Trio Leadership program, the school newspaper, and work.... I also just volunteered to be a student ambassador at some sort of Hall of Fame ceremony here at the school Saturday.

WHY!? Why did I volunteer!? I HAVE TO SLEEP AT SOME POINT, DON'T I!?

DEADLINE!!!

So, I somehow had it in my head that my first story for the school newspaper was due tomorrow at 4pm. I was pushing it, and hadn't started it until this morning.

I was wrong. It's due today at 4pm. It's 2:45 right now.

I'm brilliant, I tell ya.

so, I have an hour and fifteen minutes, and I'm waiting on a source (or whatever the newspaper lingo is) to call me back with a quote.

Word thieves

What is more personal to a person than their words? Personally, I know that I usually spend a lot of time carefully weaving my words into sentences that, hopefully, describe precisely what I want them to say. They become my works of art, however simple or intricate, abstract or specific. They are mine to be proud of. They are mine to be ashamed of. They are mine to shout to the world. They are mine to whisper in someone's ear. They are mine. Period.

To take credit for the labor another put into a piece of writing is equivalent to stealing a painting, and
signing your name to it. You are a low-life thief, and nothing more.

Yet so many seem to think that the crime of stealing one's words is much more trivial than say, that of stealing one's watch, or wallet, or, for that matter, five bucks out of that wallet! Why do people attach such little importance to the intellectual expressions of others? Why is this particular type of stealing ignored? Or, worse yet, how can a person DEFEND this thievery?

It baffles me. Ironically, I am at a loss for words to describe how it makes me feel to know that people feel justified in stealing.

It can't be possible that the thief can feel the same pride in those words as the author does? It can't be possible that the thief can feel the same pride they would feel if they'd taken the high road, and written their own words. Can it?

Please, help me understand, because I honestly do not get it.

 

Spreading myself thin? Nah!

You know that long list of activities and classes I said I was getting involved in in my last post?  

Hopefully soon I will be adding 'writing for the school newspaper' to it.

More to come....

School days....

School is in full swing now, and I'm burying myself in it the best I can.  In the past week, I've managed to somewhat successfully pull myself out the the pit I'd been in for the last month and a half.  This does't mean that the emotional pain I have been enduring since November 30th is gone, it simply means I have found a new way to cope with it, and am doing my best to become a stronger person because of it.  

I have 18 credit hours this semester, and I am also finishing up an incomplete I had to take due to missing so much class at the end of last semester...so it's more like I'm taking 22 hours.  

Friday I picked up an application for the Honors Program...if accepted, I will be in yet another class. I think I have a fair chance at getting in.  I am in the middle of putting the final touches on my application essay, and so far, I've gotten a very good response from everyone I've asked to look it over.  I will soon be writing more essays for scholarship applications, as well, so it's also good practice.  

And on top of all of that, I am joining the Psychology club and the Trio leadership program, as well.  

So, my therapy has been school, and so far it's working well.  

It also doesn't hurt that a good portion of my support system throughout all of this resides right there in that building.  As I was going through the beginning of this saga during the final weeks of last semester, I spent much of my time in the offices of my counselor and my English teacher.  Both were tremendously helpful in keeping me on track, while at the same time simply being there to talk.  

Even throughout the winter break, I was in touch regularly with my English teacher, updating him on Nicole, and releasing my frustrations and fears via the keyboard of my computer.  It is hard to describe exactly how much the small gesture of simply allowing me to write helped me to get through such a difficult time.  

Sometimes it almost feels wrong to feel happy about something good that was born as a result of something as horrible as Nicole's accident...but the truth is, good things have resulted.  I feel it has given me the opportunity to forge a new bond with the aforementioned teacher...he has become someone for me to look up to...a mentor.  

I am quite happy with where my life is going right now, and even happier that I have such tremendously good people to help me along the way.  

And hopefully I will still be able to find time in between the classes and the clubs and work and the occasional night's sleep to get my butt in gear when it comes to keeping this blog updated!  

Thanks for listening, folks...I appreciate it!  

December 2007: A month I hope to forget

To The Core has gone untouched for over a month now, and for that, I apologize. However, life has become rather rotten, and even when I've the time, I haven't felt up to writing.

I suppose it's about time to fill you in on how 2007 ended for me.

November 30th was without a doubt the worst day of my life so far. That's saying a lot considering there are a lot of days in 25 1/2 years. On November 30th, 2007, at 5:30 in the evening, my dear sweet little cousin Nicole was hit by a car and critically injured. Today marks day 33 of her coma. 33 days of tears and fears and prayers and hopes and pain and sadness. I won't go into details about what we've all gone through with Nicole in the past month, as that would take much too long, and be much too painful to write out...but it has been the most difficult thing I have ever had to go through...and it's still going on.

To top that off, 5 days after Nicole was taken to the hospital, I got the call that my gramma was on her way, as well. It was sad that I was already there to greet her when she was admitted. After running some tests, it was found that she had C-Diff, which is an infection in the bowels that can be fatal. In this case, it was. Exactly one week after Nicole's accident--3 days after Gramma entered the hospital--she passed away. It's been weeks now, and I still haven't had a chance to properly mourne. As I discussed in my last entry, I had become very close to my gramma in the last year or so...I should have cried more than I did when she died...it should have hurt more...but that, along with Nicole barely clinging to life was too much for me to handle...so I've denied myself the permission to let the pain in.

This month has been a blur. Christmas didn't really happen for me. It came, but I didn't feel it. The spirit never inhabited me. Each day goes by, and I become more numb than I was the day before. The roller coaster of emotions will rip me apart if I allow myself to fully feel the ride.

I've thought about writing about it here for weeks now, but was reluctant to bring my dark cloud along with me. But I need to get it out...I need to talk about it...I need to start writing again.

But, now you know why I haven't updated in so long.

If you pray, your prayers for Nicole are deeply appreciated. If you don't, your positive thoughts and vibes are just as welcome.

Nicole, please know that you are loved so much by so many people. I look forward to the day that your beautiful smile once again lights up the world. Please hold strong.